I have found myself lately trying to be "the god" of my life. I have been trying to be the person that makes the plans in my life, and I know that I am the worst at figuring out my life; nonetheless, I catch myself trying to do that a lot lately. I do trust God and the amazing plans He has ahead of me for my life, I just hate the part where I can't already see what is going to happen and how all of the pain and craziness that I'm doing will work for good in my life. It's hard. As humans, we want to control our lives and how everything will workout for us. This is not how it's supposed to be. God is the one in control. He has given me "a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path." (Psalm 119:105). I can see my feet, and right in front of me, but beyond that, I cannot see. God has it all figured out, and is showing me what is happening in my life, and beyond that I don't need to worry about. He has it all figured out, and I don't need to worry about anything and just focus on today, so why do I need anymore than "a light for my feet"?
God has told me that He will work everything for good for those who love Him and are following Him (my paraphrase of Romans 8:28), and also that putting my trust in Him will make my path straight (Proverbs 3:5-6). So as I am in this part of life that is full of pain and confusion I pray to God that His Will be done, and NOT mine because He knows what is best for me. I also think of a lyric from an old hymn that goes like this "You lead me, and keep me from falling. You carry me close to Your heart. And surely Your goodness and mercy will follow me." God will carry me.
One day, I will see what all of this was for, and I will look back and thank God for the pain that has caused me to grow.
"When peace like a river attendeth my way
ReplyDeleteWhen sorrows like sea billows roll
What ever my lot you have taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul"
Go listen to that song :)